Entertain Me, Andy Bear!- Andrew Hussie x Reader

  It was one of those nights. The kind of night where you couldn’t sleep. That was mostly because your ‘glorious’ roommate, Andrew Hussie, was banging on whatever he uses to write that addictive webcomic, Homestuck, which you still haven’t read yet. Another contributing issue to your sleep deprivation is that your sleeping pill stash was gone, but considering that there were only five of the little pink pills in the small bottle, it wasn’t a surprise that they were all gone. You jump out of your bed. ‘What to do, what to do.’ you ponder while looking up at your ceiling. You suddenly smirk, you knew what you were gonna do. It was the best, most awesomest plan you could ever think of. That plan, my dear reader, is to annoy your beloved roommate, Andrew Hussie into entertaining you. Slowly, you open the door to his study. There you see him diligently making the next update to Homestuck.

 “Andyyy! Sleep eludes me! Entertain meeeeeeee!” you whine loudly.

 His right eye twitches at the name Andy. “Do not call me Andy. You shall call me Andrew or maybe even the Huss-”

 “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! Yeah, I get it. ‘Only call me Andrew or even the Hussonator’.” you say, poorly imitating his voice, thus making yourself sound like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.

 “My voice does not sound like that! My voice is glorious.” Andrew said, faking a hurt look.

 “Yeah it does,” you say, making yourself sound like Eeyore again. The ‘Hussonator’ sighs and waves his hand in a dismissive way.

 “Leave, I have important trolling to do.” he says, gesturing to the newest update of Homestuck. You, in answer to that, fall on the floor and flail about, knocking down a bucket of blue paint in the process. Andrew jumped to save it and thankfully caught it before it spilled everywhere. He briefly considered throwing it on you, but decided not to. “(Name), just leave and go to sleep.”

 “I caaaaaaaan’t! It eludes me, Andrew! That’s why I came here so you can entertain me. So, entertain me, Andy Bear.” you say, letting the absurd nickname fall out of your mouth and into Andrew’s angel made ears. Once again, his right eye twitched. How dare you let that absurd nickname leave your mouth!

 “Do. Not. Call. Me. Andy Bear. Ever. Again.” he says. ‘He must really hate that nickname,’ you think and smile, ‘Let’s use that to my advantage.’

 You make a pouty face. “But Andy Bear, I’m bored! Pwease, Andy Bear?” You snort while trying to contain a giggle. Andrew takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, gotta maintain those chakra’s. Stretching, you make the mistake of closing your eyes. You felt hands grab you and throw you over a shoulder. “A-Andrew, what are you doing?”

 “I’m gonna entertain you.” he says and you blush at the obscene thoughts that enter your mind. Hugging, the papping of the head, and maybe a kiss on the cheek,  what dirty person you are! Him just touching you is obscene enough, why must you think of such dirty things?

 “L-Like what?” you ask, hoping that it just happens to be the thoughts in your head. Sadly, you are mistaken.

 “Like this!” he says and you feel yourself hit the cold grass. You hear him slam the door and lock it.

 “Well Mary Poppins skirt am I screwed.” you said before remembering where the spare key was, “Aha, Hussie! I know where the spare key is!” You jump up off the ground and check under the mat. It’s not there. Laughing nervously, you start to check the everywhere and still, the key is not there. “Oh peanut on a chocolate cake I am screwed. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? Holy chocolate cake on a peanut what am I gonna do?”

For a few minutes you start to freak out, but you eventually end up dozing off on the porch. You couldn’t help it, the crickets and that scary rustling sound that seems to be coming closer are very relaxing. Just when you start to snore you feel someone jump on you and yell, “BLAHHH!”

 “AHHH! IT’S A SQUIRREL BEAR HORSE! SOMEONE SAVE ME!” you scream quite loudly and flail your arms about until you hear laughter. Familiar laughter. Laughter that just conveniently belongs to your roommate, Andrew. Fear quickly turns into anger as you turn around and jump on your roommate.

 “You idiot! I could’ve had a heart attack or something!” you yell, slapping him on the head.

 He laughs again before answering. “But you didn’t.”

 “Yeah, but I could’ve.” you say, holding on tight to the man. You were not going to get off his back. Punishment in it’s cruelest forms, you are such an obscene, bad person dear reader. Andrew was about to answer you when you both heard yelling coming from your right.

 “Will you two go make babies somewhere else?! Some people are trying to get some sleep here!” a woman in a light pink bathrobe and long, baggy shirt yells. You instantly feel bad for yelling and screaming at such a late time at night. She looks horrible, her brown hair all messy and tangled and the slight bags under eyes. “God, heathens these days.” Wait, what is she talking about heathens these days? She looks younger than you! She’s probably some thirteen year old amature writer who’s addicted to Homestuck. But still, you don’t want a growing girl to lose sleep because of you.

 “I’m sorry neighbor girl!” you yell and she just grumbles and goes back into her apartment, “See what you made me do?”

 “Not really, she just asked us to go make babies elsewhere nicely.” Andrew replies, picking you up for the second time tonight and started to open the door, “I hope you know the door was unlocked the whole entire time.”

 “Jerk, why would- wait, where are you taking me?” you say, alarmed. He was taking you to his room.

 “We’re going to do what the nice, pink robed lady said to do. Make babies elsewhere.” he replies calmly.

 “W-Wait! Who said I gave you permission?!”

 “Your diary.” he says and you instantly start to wonder how he found it in the first place? Though, what he said was true. Your diary did give him permission. You sigh.

 “Go on then.” you say and the rest of the night you two hug, do the papping of the face, the occasional cheek kiss, and some other unimportant stuff to make babies elsewhere.